.01 JOURNAL ENTRY // PRIDE AND EGO

June 28, 2017


I feel a little weird sharing this on the internet. My journal is where some of my most private thoughts are stored. Thoughts that I would never share to others in person, but here I am, ready to broadcast them on the internet. I shared a journal entry of mine a while ago when I first started my blog. It was a lot more personal than this one, but nonetheless, I felt a sense of relief when I published it. Yes, I was putting myself in a vulnerable position by having my most private and rawest thoughts published on the internet for anyone and everyone to read and judge, but there was also a feeling of relief. Like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. I love being vulnerable. There's a terrifying beauty to it. Yes it's scary to be so open on here, but I love it. I thrive off of it. Being vulnerable is important to me.

With that being said, I do think it's important to not share every thought that comes to my mind or lands on my paper. There are things that are best kept to myself. No one should know every single detail about you. No one should know you like you know yourself. Sharing too much can cause people to find your faults, your weak points, and attack you from behind. You are in control and you can choose what to share and when to share it.

Enough babbling though, let's get to why you're even here in the first place: to read my journal entry. 

subject: pride + ego
date: 6/12/17

relief. i tackled one of my biggest inner demons today. my pride + ego. i reflected back on my high school experience and wondered why it was so shitty. why i didn't have any friends. why i didn't have strong relationships. why i always felt alone. i would tell myself that it was my environment. that i just couldn't connect w/ the people there. but truthfully, after digging deeper, into that 3rd layer [how to be a bawse reference] my pride + ego held me back. i always thought that i was the shit. i made myself unapproachable. i masked my insecurities by putting myself on this pedestal of graciousness, i let my pride + ego stunt the growth of friendships. i let my pride + ego stop me from getting involved. i let my pride + ego get the best of me and as i sit in my room all by myself this summer, i reap the benefit of a strong pride + ego: loneliness. i only cared about myself so it's no shock i'm in this empty house. i want to spend this summer breaking down my layers, my walls. i don't want my pride + ego to hold me back in college. i want to be SOULful, not EGOtistical. filled with soul, not ego.


And I'm still trying to break down those layers.  

Until next time,

k.l.m

2 comments

  1. I think you're very brave for posting this Kathlyn and I'm proud of you for doing it. Being honest with ourselves and, like you said, digging deeper, isn't an easy thing to do to begin with. But admitting the not so positive parts of who you are/were to other people is even harder. I hope you'll be able to overcome what's holding you back. Sending you all the love x

    Sara’s Chapters

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    1. I'm super late replying to this, but Sara! Thank you love! Seeing this comment made me smile so much because posting this was one of the most hardest things I've had to do. You're incredible and thank you for the support <3

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